Week 2.5: Down -0.8

It's not outstanding, but it's not nearly as bad as it could have been. I still hit my at least 3x/week gym goal, tried yoga, and cooked a new recipe. However, I had a really rough, emotional week. And what happens when you have one of those? Toast. Doritos. Wine. Chocolate. This week one of my best friends from early childhood was diagnosed with cancer in his chest -- a mass the size of an orange pressing against his lung, making it nearly impossible to breathe. He's now being treated a MGH and the prognosis is good. But cancer is cancer and there's no guarantees.

And so clearly I ate a pile of carbs to make my body produce seratonin. Therapy Eating.

Research has proven that certain foods produce “feel good” chemicals like serotonin and endorphins in our brains that can literally be addictive. High sugar and fat combinations (e.g. ice cream, chocolate, doughnuts, cakes, and pies) can boost endorphins in the brain. Endorphins are our body’s natural pain killers; they produce a feeling of relaxation and even euphoria. Foods high in refined carbohydrate (e.g. white breads, pastries, chips, sodas, and candy) cause an increase of serotonin production in the brain. Serotonin provides sedation and calmness. Unfortunately, these “quick fixes” are brief. And over time – just like in other addictions – we may require more and more of the “substance” (high sugar/fat foods) to produce the desired effect. (from the Diet Channel)

Any suggestions for serotonin/endorphin replacements?

I can't get no shut-eye!*

I worked all day on Saturday and, though I had thoughts of seeing friends, decided to use the slushy-snow as an excuse to stay in. All was going according to plan - yummy dinner, History channel documentary on TV (Nick's favorite) and the apartment to myself. Until... the upstairs neighbors decided to throw a raging party. Now I'm all for getting your friends together and having a grand ol' time, but does it have to include tap dancing elephants? Because I'm pretty sure there was a circus that filed in the door, up the stairs and performed an award-winning (do they give out awards for tap dancers?) elephant ensemble tap number accompanied by some warped version of Lil Wayne pulsing through the bass.

Nights like Saturday are exactly why I am ready to move out of the city to a quieter town (or a duplex).

*I actually busted into a friend's parents room when I was 7 at a sleepover to say this when the other girls wouldn't be quiet. Apparently I've always been a little cranky about my sleep.

Neighborhood Walks & Adventures in Cooking

Working part-time is really working well for me. My bank account could be a little fatter, but I feel so balanced in my life right now -- for the first time in a really long time. I got out of work today at 2:30 and (finally!) finished reading Dangerous Liasons on the bus home. It's taken me longer to read that book than almost any other (excluding Ayn Rand's Fountainhead).

Since it was a balmy 30 degrees today in Boston and I was home while the sun was still up, I decided to go for a neighborhood walk this afternoon. I went up, over and then around Corey Hill in Brookline.

I made a stop on the way home for some dinner provisions. As part of Resolution #1, I'm trying to get out of my food rut. So each week I'm going to try a new recipe or food item and report on the adventure with pictures. Expect updates around Thursday of each week.

This week's adventure in cooking was KALE. It's a type of wild cabbage. I also decided to try chorizo sausage (hence the stop at Whole Foods) to include in my soup for tonight.

Resolution Update: Scale Victory #1!!

So, in sticking with Resolution #1 I started this week by making a menu for each day. Then the boy and I headed to the grocery store for a massive healthy-food shopping trip. It was quite the success. I basically chose recipes inspired by Tosca Reno's Eat Clean book mixed with recipes for my new Crock Pot!

This week, following the "just eat a little healthier, eat a little less, and drink more water" plan, I lost 4.2 lbs! Which means I'm only 18.4 away from my goal for graduation on May 1!!

For a little inspiration I wrote a bunch of my favorite quotes on my scale in brightly colored Sharpie.

They say:

• "Don't Stop Believin'" [Journey]
• "It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not." [James Gordon]
• "Don't be afraid of changes. Don't be afraid of your life." [Eclectic Collective Changes]
• "Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." [Nelson Mandela]
• "Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal." [Thomas Jefferson]
• "Regret is an appaling waste of energy." [Katherine Mansfield]
• "You can learn new things at any time in your life if you're willing to be a beginner." [Barbara Sher]
• "Did you ever think that maybe if you're not happy it's because of you?" [SK6ERS]
• "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occure when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." [M. Scott Peck]

And now off to eat some home-made chicken soup before my first day of work tomorrow!!

Lost

Somewhere in the last year I've managed to lose myself. I've always been kind of manic - going 1,000 miles a minute - from classes, to working, to volunteering (usually with Girl Scouts), and family committments. When I was in Baltimore I was forced to stop all that noise and focus on myself. The company apartment and sufficient 9-to-5 salary afforded me tons of free time. Being removed from my roots also meant that I had no one to responsible to but me. I ate healthy; I relaxed; I exercised everyday (even weekends!). I was healthy, but more importantly happy. I was content.

And now, having been back in Boston for a full year, with classes, a part time job, Girl Scouts (basically an unpaid part-time job), an internship, a boyfriend (relationships are hard work, who knew?), I have so many obligations again that I've lost myself. I've been eating crappy fast food because there's no time to sit down and I'm usually not home or too tired to cook. I haven't really been exercising because after working for 4 hours on your feet the last thing you want to do is hit the elliptical machine.

So I'm making this promise to myself to find the time - to make the time - to find myself again. I hate looking the mirror lately. I'm exhausted all the time. I feel sick and weak. I feel like shit, basically. I've been to the gym both of the last two days. I'm going to re-read Tosca's book about Eating Clean. I'm also going to try to stop drinking (or seriously minimize it) until Halloween. I want to feel fabulous on Halloween and my birthday. Something has to change, now.

And so it begins

The fall semester. Meetings, classes, and events galore. It's going to be balls-out crazy. And if I make it through to Christmas, I just might be okay.

I haven't been sleeping well lately at all. Tossing and turning all night long. I thought it was the stress of the move, but that's settled down now. I'm starting WW again, for real, and I'm going to start walking and doing yoga. I also wonder if its sharing a bed all the time, but I don't know. At least the humidity is gone and the fall nights are rolling in.

Speaking of my new room. It's MINE! ALL MINE!! So great. And it's purple. And I have a whole wall of windows, out of which I can see the sunset and Cambridge. And I get the full sunlight on my pillows early in the morning. I really coudn't be happier about it.

Also, do you ever have a friend that you always seem to be the one who calls or texts them first? Sometimes you start to feel like you might be bugging them because they never seem to initiate anything? Then you promise yourself that you will not contact them first. Until, finally, they get in touch with you, like no time has passed at all. Victory.

Oh, you didn't know that muffin was bad for you?

MSNBC article about New Yorkers' reaction to the new laws the city finally got passed that requires fast-food type restaurants to display calorie content of food as prominently as the price.

Outside the Forest Hills’ Dunkin’ Donuts, Juan Restrepo, the 45-year-old owner of a construction company, said he was quitting corn muffins — 510 calories! — this time for good.

“My daughter warned me about them,” he lamented. “I just didn’t listen.”

Just proves the point that we don't believe it until we see it. So maybe seeing it over and over and over again will finally drill home how we managed to become to the fattest country on the planet. Changing our habits will change companies menu items (ah, capitalist supply & demand cycle) which means more healthy options for everyone - yay!

New York is not the only city pushing calorie labels. New laws in Seattle and California’s Santa Clara and San Francisco are scheduled to go into effect later this year, including some more stringent than New York’s, requiring restaurants to post information about sodium, carbs, fats and cholesterol in addition to calories.

Hey Boston - where are we? I want calorie counts on my menus!

I actually wrote my Law, Policy, and Society thesis about this topic in December. Here's some really fun facts:

* Only 35% of Americans are healthy (according to BMIs)
* After the Nutrition and Labeling Education Act 1990 (you know, all those lovely labels on the stuff you buy at the grocery store): 48% changed their decision to buy or use a product and 24% to 37% choose high calorie items less often
* New York City residents at Subway restaurants who reported seeing calorie information bought 48 fewer calories on average and those who claimed they actively used the information bought 92 few calories. “The Health Department estimates that, if the same pattern held at every restaurant covered by the proposed regulation, its adoption would spare at least 150,000 people from obesity over the next five years, preventing more than 30,000 cases of diabetes” (NYBOH PR). If we use US Census Bureau information to estimated the population of New York City to be 3% of the national population, these statistics become even more significant. Federal adoption of the MEAL Act would then spare an estimated five million people from obesity in the next five years and prevent one million cases of diabetes.

(Let me know if you'd like to read a full copy.)

Collar bones, smart asses & the bureaucratic process

Small but significant non-scale related skinny moments:

• My favorite pair of black work pants is now akin to wide-leg trousers. (Thanks to Kate Moss for making them “in” yet again.)
• I have collarbones! I can see them! And they are cute!
• When I suck in my tummy, it actually goes inward instead of simply going flat.
• Rings that used to fit only on my pinky now sit comfortably on my ring finger.

I’m trying really, really hard to learn to bite my tongue. Participating in larger blog communities invites a lot of praise AND criticism. I’m well aware that everyone who reads something I post won’t agree with me, and that is completely fine. However, I’d appreciate that if you do leave a negative comment you say something constructive instead of simply referring to me (and all of my peers) as smart asses.

The sheer amount of detail-oriented things that need to be thought about on a day-to-day as an adult continues to blow me away. To update my car’s registration and get my own insurance required carefully coordinated power-of-attorney forms, which then allowed the title to be changed to my name. And the car was registered in my name, so that I could get my own insurance. This process also apparently required getting new license plates, which meant that I couldn’t apply for my school parking permits until I got the new plate number. And at some point within the next 10 days it needs to be inspected, back in the state it’s registered. Holy shit, what a process! I don’t whether to scream at the sheer bureaucracy of it or call my daddy and cry for him to take care of it like he’s always done. Probably neither, I suppose.

And I leave you with this:

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. (Gilda Radner)

What happens when you try to not think

Went for a 4.5 mile hike/trail run after work and errands today. No headphones, no phone calls, no one else with me. I love hikes like that. Start out thinking about things and then your mind wanders, comes across something interesting, and you start thinking about how you're thinking. Start the process over again and again. I did two separate loops at Soldiers' Delight NEA. I saw one cute little bunny and FIVE beautiful white tail deer. It was a really good head-clearing hike. I didn't try to tackle any particular problems -- just thought about some upcoming goals and what life's going to be like when I get back home.

I'm currently about 1/3 of the way through Brazen Careerist. Definitely some interesting take aways. I like the quick-hit feel of it. Especially after the rambling discoveries in Tipping Point. Thinking about it -- I've never had to interview at more than one place before getting a co-op job. I've never had an interview that didn't result in a job offer. Does that mean I tell good stories? That I'm personable? I guess so. I guess it's like softball -- I have to learn to stop swinging at that first pitch. Maybe my goal for my next co-op cycle should be to do at least 2 interviews before accepting an offer?

I spent about two hours this morning (while I was at work "working") writing emails for Pursue the Passion. Last night Brett wrote to ask me how I thought we could get more college kids involved. I was so incredibly flattered. I also decided that since his blog post today was about how they need more interviews that I would finally get around to asking Barbara if we could talk to her. Turns out (as I pretty much expected) she was more than willing. And now I get to do the interview (since she'll be out of town when PTP comes through Boston) and do the write up. Great clip for the portfolio. I'm sure Barbara is going to have a lot to say. I'll have to re-listen to the interview I had with her for my Education in the Community project. I also had an epiphany at some point between last night and this morning. I thought Steve Cody (aka RepMan) would be perfect to not only ask for viral marketing advice, but to interview. And turns out Steve was really enthusiastic about it! I'm so excited. I can't wait to read what he has to say. I also think I'm going to see if anyone at my current job would qualify as passionate about their positions. Oh! I just thought of the CEO of Eduventures -- that's on my list of things to do tomorrow.

I also apparently blew the socks off my big boss today. I'm working on getting custom chocolates for an annual client meeting in the fall. I finally got a pricing quote from the chocolatier this afternoon. So I forwarded the contents of the email to the BB. But I also remembered that last time I needed her to follow-up with me she told me she had printed the email out and physically put it in her TO-DO/INBOX. So I printed the email and the attached pricing and handed it to her. She was like, "WOW! You're really getting to know me." She seemed absolutely blown away. Do other people not pay attention to things like that and make modifications? Am I really doing something above and beyond here?

Tomorrow is another CX Quarterly Meeting off-site and softball game. I'm excited. It's also one of my roommate's last weekends, which I'm not so excited about. I was mad at the scale yesterday, so I ate too much and drank a few glasses of wine. Then was a bitch to one of my best friends who's leaving for Iraq in a month. But I woke up today and put it all in perspective. One of my goals while I'm losing weight is to learn to forgive myself and move on. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be -- the self-chiding followed by pity-spiral is such an easy cycle to fall into.

Goal tonight is to go to bed before 11:30.

Before the beginning

I'm starting this blog to keep track of all my random thoughts and progress over the next few years. And to make it available to my (somewhat) adoring public. Ha. Anyways, I've decided that I'm sick of being afraid to look stupid. I'm sick of doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. I'm sick of waiting for things to happen.

So, I'm making changes. Small at first, and then bigger and bigger. I'm trying new things. And I'm setting goals. Here we go:

[Health]

I can't remember the last time I was skinny. Okay, actually that's a lie. It was fourth grade. My best friend Chris used to come over everyday after school because my mom babysat him. Chris, my brother, and me would play outside everyday until it was dark. And when we were playing inside, we were always wrestling or having adventures of some kind. Chris had, and still has, one of the most incredible imaginations of anyone that I have ever met. Alas, eventually my mom got a full-time job and we got to be too old to need a baby-sitter everyday. My afterschool routine changed from daily adventures in the woods or trips to "Destiny Valley" (which was actually just the edge of our property) to watching Breaker High and Sweet Valley High on TV with a bowl of goldfish and a diet coke.

I remember at first my mom told me that it was just baby fat, that it would go away. So I didn't change my habits at all. By the time I was in junior high I was a size 14. Despite several attempts at hardcore diets, all of which failed due to their extremely rigid and boring nature, and several periods of just not caring, I've come out 10 years later about the same size as I was in junior high. I've always eaten relatively healthfully, enjoying a wide variety of produce and whatnot. But tend to give in to the more tempting treats far too often -- fast foods snacks and biiiiiig family buffets.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of seeing a different person in my head than the person that I see in pictures. I joined Weight Watchers (WW) about 2.5 months ago. I've lost almost 15 lbs since then using the flex plan. I've also been away from home since January and have begun a lifestyle that includes exercise at least 5 days a week.

I've come to realize that I get bored by routines very easily. WW allows me to eat whatever foods that I want, but helps me keep portions in control by counting points. It also lets me do whatever kinds of exercise I'm in the mood for -- all counting toward earning Activity Points (APs). Since I began exercising regularly, I've gone through phases where I did the elliptical, the treadmill, walks around my neighborhood, short jogs, nature hikes, and (most recently) swimming. I think as long as I keep changing it up, I will be okay.

So, now that we have the backstory down -- I have some upcoming goals:

Scale Victories (SVs):

• July 4th -- 189 lbs. (a loss of 10% from my original weight)
• Sept 2nd -- 170 (next 10%)
• Nov 4th -- 153 (next 10%, top of my healthy BMI range, just in time to turn 22!!)
• Dec 31st -- 135 (END GOAL!! just in time to kick of 2008)

Non-Scale Victories (NSVs):

• Joined company softball team.
  The last time I played softball it was probably in gym class, and who really puts effort in then? I've always shied away from playing with my cousins (who all play on legitimate teams, one is even a nationally ranked youth pitcher) because I didn't want to look stupid. Well, I stopped caring about that and you know what? I had FUN! And I'm actually not half bad. Plus my teammates are constantly giving me support and teaching me little tricks. It's one of the best experiences I've had and has definitely been a tipping point* for me.
• Learn how to box/kick-box/legitimately defend myself.
• Hike one of the presidential mountains this fall.
• Learn to sail my sailboat at the lake house.

(* The Tipping Point. Malcom Gladwell -- check it out on my books list!)

[Travel]

Rehauling my approach to exercise and eating healthy has tranistioned into renewed enthusiasm for other areas of my life. I've always been a small-town girl (and I still consider Boston to be a small-town girl's city). However, there are so many interesting, unique and wonderful experiences to be had around the world. At this time in my life I have no serious obligations to anyone but myself. This is the time to travel.

Part of this goal was recently achieved when I moved to Baltimore for six months for my job. It's the longest and farthest I've ever been away from my family. It's the longest I've ever gone without my entire network of friends to keep me entertained and busy around the clock. I think it's been a catalyst for a lot of introspection and personal growth.

Places to go, people to meet:

• France, study abroad, Fall 2008.
• Costa Rican Adventure (EF collegebreak), Summer 2008.
• Montreal
• Greek Islands
• Arizona (visit friends), San Diego (with my cousins), Atlanta (visit family)

[Money]

I've also recently determined that I want to be in full control of my financial circumstances. I have a spending problem. I inherited it from my father. I also have a big heart and would give my money away in a heartbeat to help you out, even if it was my last dollar. I'm trying to get a handle on my financial situation and prepare myself to fund my future endeavors, instead of simply my whims at the mall. To do this I opened an ING Direct savings account, used loan money to purchase a new computer (instead of my CapOne card), and recently started my very first Roth IRA account (more on that another time).

I've also decided to take a bartending class and see if I enjoy that line of work. I think it would be really fun. And my family and friends seem to think I would be great at it. It's another one of those things that I've always sort of thought about but never had the guts to pursue. I'm also trying to grow my freelancing network to continue building my portfolio.

Making bank:

• Pay CapOne card down from $4,200 to $2,000 by May 2008.
• Own car outright for first time -- title, registration, insurance
• Pay rent on my own (first non-university housing!)

That's all of this post. More to come on thoughts about my career path later.