Week 2.5: Down -0.8

It's not outstanding, but it's not nearly as bad as it could have been. I still hit my at least 3x/week gym goal, tried yoga, and cooked a new recipe. However, I had a really rough, emotional week. And what happens when you have one of those? Toast. Doritos. Wine. Chocolate. This week one of my best friends from early childhood was diagnosed with cancer in his chest -- a mass the size of an orange pressing against his lung, making it nearly impossible to breathe. He's now being treated a MGH and the prognosis is good. But cancer is cancer and there's no guarantees.

And so clearly I ate a pile of carbs to make my body produce seratonin. Therapy Eating.

Research has proven that certain foods produce “feel good” chemicals like serotonin and endorphins in our brains that can literally be addictive. High sugar and fat combinations (e.g. ice cream, chocolate, doughnuts, cakes, and pies) can boost endorphins in the brain. Endorphins are our body’s natural pain killers; they produce a feeling of relaxation and even euphoria. Foods high in refined carbohydrate (e.g. white breads, pastries, chips, sodas, and candy) cause an increase of serotonin production in the brain. Serotonin provides sedation and calmness. Unfortunately, these “quick fixes” are brief. And over time – just like in other addictions – we may require more and more of the “substance” (high sugar/fat foods) to produce the desired effect. (from the Diet Channel)

Any suggestions for serotonin/endorphin replacements?

Out with the Old, In with the New (2010 Resolutions)

I still get emails from my old WW meetings leader, even though I'm a lapsed member and haven't attended in quite awhile. I always love her emails and have used today's as a framework for.... 2010 Resolutions!

Out With The Old, In With The New!

It’s a brand new year; a chance to start 2010 as you mean to go on. Ditching old habits which are unhelpful to your goals and replacing them with new ways, will hold you in good stead on your weight loss journey.

In With...

1. A positive attitude. Think of 3 positive affirmations about your weight loss. [...] Everyday write a positive message to yourself with your affirmations. [...] Whatever way you choose to do it, you’ll discover that a positive attitude can have a powerful effect on your success and help boost your confidence.

1. I am losing weight and gaining confidence.
2. I love to fuel my body with the healthiest food so it runs its best.
3. I am a healthy, capable, fit person.


2. Healthy habits. Ditch the old, negative ways and liven up your life with new lifestyle habits. Healthy eating, moving more, and managing your thoughts, feelings and environment will all help you lose weight. [...]

3. Making the most of mistakes. [...] believe in yourself and your ability to get back on track. This will help you re-focus [...]

4. Rewarding your achievements along the way. On your weight loss journey, depending on how many pounds you need to lose, it may take you some time to achieve your Goal Weight. To stay motivated, it’s vital to set smaller weight loss goals along the way [...] Non-scale goals, like dropping a clothes size or decreasing belt notches, also help. Think about how you will reward yourself when you get to each goal you set.

Short-term Goal :: -10 lbs :: pedicure
NSV :: collar bones, skinny jeans, dress
Long-term Goal :: -30 lbs (by June 1st) :: Steve owes me dinner (if I win)


5. Trying something different. Being adventurous and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone can be a boost to your confidence. [...] Whatever you choose to do in 2010, banish self doubt, visualize yourself at Goal and remember – the old you is so last year!

Small :: Learning yoga/pilates.
Small :: Cooking with spices/produce out of my comfort zone (Adventures in Cooking).
Big :: Hiking Bald Peak & Kinsman in the Spring.

Neighborhood Walks & Adventures in Cooking

Working part-time is really working well for me. My bank account could be a little fatter, but I feel so balanced in my life right now -- for the first time in a really long time. I got out of work today at 2:30 and (finally!) finished reading Dangerous Liasons on the bus home. It's taken me longer to read that book than almost any other (excluding Ayn Rand's Fountainhead).

Since it was a balmy 30 degrees today in Boston and I was home while the sun was still up, I decided to go for a neighborhood walk this afternoon. I went up, over and then around Corey Hill in Brookline.

I made a stop on the way home for some dinner provisions. As part of Resolution #1, I'm trying to get out of my food rut. So each week I'm going to try a new recipe or food item and report on the adventure with pictures. Expect updates around Thursday of each week.

This week's adventure in cooking was KALE. It's a type of wild cabbage. I also decided to try chorizo sausage (hence the stop at Whole Foods) to include in my soup for tonight.

Resolution Update: Scale Victory #1!!

So, in sticking with Resolution #1 I started this week by making a menu for each day. Then the boy and I headed to the grocery store for a massive healthy-food shopping trip. It was quite the success. I basically chose recipes inspired by Tosca Reno's Eat Clean book mixed with recipes for my new Crock Pot!

This week, following the "just eat a little healthier, eat a little less, and drink more water" plan, I lost 4.2 lbs! Which means I'm only 18.4 away from my goal for graduation on May 1!!

For a little inspiration I wrote a bunch of my favorite quotes on my scale in brightly colored Sharpie.

They say:

• "Don't Stop Believin'" [Journey]
• "It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not." [James Gordon]
• "Don't be afraid of changes. Don't be afraid of your life." [Eclectic Collective Changes]
• "Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." [Nelson Mandela]
• "Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal." [Thomas Jefferson]
• "Regret is an appaling waste of energy." [Katherine Mansfield]
• "You can learn new things at any time in your life if you're willing to be a beginner." [Barbara Sher]
• "Did you ever think that maybe if you're not happy it's because of you?" [SK6ERS]
• "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occure when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." [M. Scott Peck]

And now off to eat some home-made chicken soup before my first day of work tomorrow!!

Lost

Somewhere in the last year I've managed to lose myself. I've always been kind of manic - going 1,000 miles a minute - from classes, to working, to volunteering (usually with Girl Scouts), and family committments. When I was in Baltimore I was forced to stop all that noise and focus on myself. The company apartment and sufficient 9-to-5 salary afforded me tons of free time. Being removed from my roots also meant that I had no one to responsible to but me. I ate healthy; I relaxed; I exercised everyday (even weekends!). I was healthy, but more importantly happy. I was content.

And now, having been back in Boston for a full year, with classes, a part time job, Girl Scouts (basically an unpaid part-time job), an internship, a boyfriend (relationships are hard work, who knew?), I have so many obligations again that I've lost myself. I've been eating crappy fast food because there's no time to sit down and I'm usually not home or too tired to cook. I haven't really been exercising because after working for 4 hours on your feet the last thing you want to do is hit the elliptical machine.

So I'm making this promise to myself to find the time - to make the time - to find myself again. I hate looking the mirror lately. I'm exhausted all the time. I feel sick and weak. I feel like shit, basically. I've been to the gym both of the last two days. I'm going to re-read Tosca's book about Eating Clean. I'm also going to try to stop drinking (or seriously minimize it) until Halloween. I want to feel fabulous on Halloween and my birthday. Something has to change, now.

Competitive Eating

I feel better about myself when I eat healthier than my roomates. Or when I run more than they do. Or when I eat less than they do. There's some kind of satisfaction that comes through my inner monologue that says, "Yeah, you're WAY better than them. You're being healthy."

Last night was like that. I got home after a whole day in my cubicle and could not wait to get outside. I grabbed some sushi on the way home because I was starving and a big bottle of water. I found two of my roommates playing cards in the dark living room and I secretly gloated to myself.

I ran hard for about 2 or 3 miles (quite an accomplishment for me, but I want to learn/train to run farther). From my apartment out to MIT across the Charles and back. Some girls even (drunkenly) cheered me on as they thought I was finishing up the Boston Marathon on my trip back down Mass Ave. It was pretty fun to have people cheering for me, even if I didn't actually deserve it.

I felt great and energized and focused. All the annoyances and frustrations of the day washed away as I got lost breathing, listening to my feet pound the sidewalk as I dodged tourists and commuters.

And then there's this morning. Free breakfast foods at work. I just realized I've eaten a pastry, half a muffin, half a bagel, a slice of pizza, and coffee already today. What happened to my healthy eating? It frustrates me because I will eat it and then I will berate myself later. I miss the discipline and self control I had on Weight Watchers. I might go back just for the structure. Start tracking again. I miss how strong and full and energized my body felt when I ate salads, fruits, lean chicken, salmon, and gallons of water.

I think the competitive eating syndrome can be useful to motivate you to do things your body is craving anyways - healthy habits. But I think that if you're doing it for the competition then you lose your inner focus (and end up eating 80 grams of sugar before noon!). I also don't want to let the competition turn into an ED because I know that's entirely possible. I think I need more time for myself and less time working/volunteering for other projects right now. I need to streamline, I need to focus on me.