CrazyBusy

That pretty much describes my life. And the lives of all my other manic-happy friends (i.e. Maris' post). But sometimes, I don't want to be that way. Busy. I'm fine with that. Busy to me means being involved with the world, creating something bigger than yourself, or connecting with those who are important to you. Crazy. Well who really wants to be crazy?

So I'm reading the book CrazyBusy by Edward M. Hallowell. He's a phsychiatrist from Harvard. The first part of the book basically describes me, my friends, and pretty much everyone else I run into on a daily basis (with very few exceptions). I just started part two, which focuses on managing and dealing with this modern life. I tried one of the tactics of single-focusing, whereby I dedicated 100% of my conscious brain to working on my midterm. Started at 7, outlined for an hour, 5 min break to get water, wrote until 9:20, 20 minute break in between essays, and just finished at 10:20. A solid six pages of writing, most of which is pretty good. It needs to be polished, citations need to be added. But it's done, and that means I can fully enjoy my favorite band's show tomorrow night without worrying about staying up late to do my midterm.

I'm working right now on charting how I spend my time. Basically like the budget my mother keeps trying to get me to keep for my bank account. I'll report on the results of that in a few days. After more than ten years of being told to, "Do less." by a favorite friend of mine I'm going to see if I can.

Reprioritizing Life

Riding the bus this morning, I wrote a small novel to myself. And decided I needed a life priorities/reminders list.

1. Trust my heart more often
2. Visit Paris
3. Jump without fear
4. Meet Rosalia
5. Be vulnerable
6. Get rid of negative "friends"
7. Stop using the phrase, "Because I have to"
8. Accept good enough
9. Fill up my passport
10. Spend money on what's important, skip the other stuff
11. Perfect my curves
12. Appreciate early laugh lines
13. Do good
14. Be thankful
15. Meditate

Writing will rot your brain

I protested to my mother: I did not want to be an engineer. The idea of toiling endlessly on applied calculus problems in Calc 4 is completely unappealing to me. But to be honest, I do miss being able to derive and integrate, or even just play around with trig problems. There's something nice about math in contrast to sociology, journalism, or policy classes -- it has answers. Maybe I should have sprinkled a few math classes into my college career just for the change of pace. Eh, who knows. But for now, to quote my favorite math teacher Mr. Nagy: "Don't drink and derive."

Books-on-Tape Recommendations??

Monday through Thursday I spend approximately three hours each day in my car commuting to Boston from New Hampshire. My CD collection is limited, I have yet to cave in and purchase an iPod, and the radio has the same 6-song "hits" list on cycle (and I listen to all kinds of different stations). In light of this, I've decided to spend my time in the car pro-actively and start listening to some books on tape.

Does anyone have any suggestions for a book that lends itself well to traffic?

Would you? Could you?

Drinking from bottled water as the kids ran barefoot through green, slimy water, wearing my fairly new, good quality clothing as they wore hand-me-downs that don't fit them quite right... dabbing the sweat off my face as kids with hundreds of bumps from skin disease run around as if nothing is wrong... Their eyes were just so sad. The camera made them smile, for some it even made them smile brightly, like those other smiles that I saw. But even then, there was something missing... And most of the eyes showed suffering. Just looking into them... I wished I could switch lives with them, give them everything I have.. and then felt worse because I didn't want to live there either. If I were given the choice to switch places with one of these children.. to give them a chance to live in the comfortable life full of opportunities that i've lived in... would I do it? What if I could trade 2 of them for 1 of me.. what about 3. I'd like to think that I would, but would I? Could I? And if I can't.. what does that say about me? Would you be able to do it? Some say because I'll be a doctor, its better that I stay healthy and that I get a good education... because I will be able to help more people that way. But what if one of those children that I could have switched lives with were going to discover the cure to cancer... or find the solution to world peace? Would I switch then? Would you? I would like to think I would... but would I - could I actually do it?

Read the rest of CSK's post & blog as she travels the world.

What if we're where we are, who we are because WE are the ones meant to cure cancer, solve world peace, or simply inspire? Is that narcisstic? Do we say we would switch lives because it's what we feel we should do - be altruistic?

There are so many more questions than answers.

Collar bones, smart asses & the bureaucratic process

Small but significant non-scale related skinny moments:

• My favorite pair of black work pants is now akin to wide-leg trousers. (Thanks to Kate Moss for making them “in” yet again.)
• I have collarbones! I can see them! And they are cute!
• When I suck in my tummy, it actually goes inward instead of simply going flat.
• Rings that used to fit only on my pinky now sit comfortably on my ring finger.

I’m trying really, really hard to learn to bite my tongue. Participating in larger blog communities invites a lot of praise AND criticism. I’m well aware that everyone who reads something I post won’t agree with me, and that is completely fine. However, I’d appreciate that if you do leave a negative comment you say something constructive instead of simply referring to me (and all of my peers) as smart asses.

The sheer amount of detail-oriented things that need to be thought about on a day-to-day as an adult continues to blow me away. To update my car’s registration and get my own insurance required carefully coordinated power-of-attorney forms, which then allowed the title to be changed to my name. And the car was registered in my name, so that I could get my own insurance. This process also apparently required getting new license plates, which meant that I couldn’t apply for my school parking permits until I got the new plate number. And at some point within the next 10 days it needs to be inspected, back in the state it’s registered. Holy shit, what a process! I don’t whether to scream at the sheer bureaucracy of it or call my daddy and cry for him to take care of it like he’s always done. Probably neither, I suppose.

And I leave you with this:

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. (Gilda Radner)

What happens when you try to not think

Went for a 4.5 mile hike/trail run after work and errands today. No headphones, no phone calls, no one else with me. I love hikes like that. Start out thinking about things and then your mind wanders, comes across something interesting, and you start thinking about how you're thinking. Start the process over again and again. I did two separate loops at Soldiers' Delight NEA. I saw one cute little bunny and FIVE beautiful white tail deer. It was a really good head-clearing hike. I didn't try to tackle any particular problems -- just thought about some upcoming goals and what life's going to be like when I get back home.

I'm currently about 1/3 of the way through Brazen Careerist. Definitely some interesting take aways. I like the quick-hit feel of it. Especially after the rambling discoveries in Tipping Point. Thinking about it -- I've never had to interview at more than one place before getting a co-op job. I've never had an interview that didn't result in a job offer. Does that mean I tell good stories? That I'm personable? I guess so. I guess it's like softball -- I have to learn to stop swinging at that first pitch. Maybe my goal for my next co-op cycle should be to do at least 2 interviews before accepting an offer?

I spent about two hours this morning (while I was at work "working") writing emails for Pursue the Passion. Last night Brett wrote to ask me how I thought we could get more college kids involved. I was so incredibly flattered. I also decided that since his blog post today was about how they need more interviews that I would finally get around to asking Barbara if we could talk to her. Turns out (as I pretty much expected) she was more than willing. And now I get to do the interview (since she'll be out of town when PTP comes through Boston) and do the write up. Great clip for the portfolio. I'm sure Barbara is going to have a lot to say. I'll have to re-listen to the interview I had with her for my Education in the Community project. I also had an epiphany at some point between last night and this morning. I thought Steve Cody (aka RepMan) would be perfect to not only ask for viral marketing advice, but to interview. And turns out Steve was really enthusiastic about it! I'm so excited. I can't wait to read what he has to say. I also think I'm going to see if anyone at my current job would qualify as passionate about their positions. Oh! I just thought of the CEO of Eduventures -- that's on my list of things to do tomorrow.

I also apparently blew the socks off my big boss today. I'm working on getting custom chocolates for an annual client meeting in the fall. I finally got a pricing quote from the chocolatier this afternoon. So I forwarded the contents of the email to the BB. But I also remembered that last time I needed her to follow-up with me she told me she had printed the email out and physically put it in her TO-DO/INBOX. So I printed the email and the attached pricing and handed it to her. She was like, "WOW! You're really getting to know me." She seemed absolutely blown away. Do other people not pay attention to things like that and make modifications? Am I really doing something above and beyond here?

Tomorrow is another CX Quarterly Meeting off-site and softball game. I'm excited. It's also one of my roommate's last weekends, which I'm not so excited about. I was mad at the scale yesterday, so I ate too much and drank a few glasses of wine. Then was a bitch to one of my best friends who's leaving for Iraq in a month. But I woke up today and put it all in perspective. One of my goals while I'm losing weight is to learn to forgive myself and move on. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be -- the self-chiding followed by pity-spiral is such an easy cycle to fall into.

Goal tonight is to go to bed before 11:30.

Put it in the recycle bin

I have an irrational attachment to inanimate objects. I am a pack-rat. I have the most useless projects from junior high still sitting in a bin somewhere in my bedroom. As I approach the end of my time at this job, I realized I had a filing cabinet full of papers -- mostly old drafts of projects that have long since gone to press. No one is ever going to come back and need to see my notes on the 2nd of five rounds of copy. So I made myself throw 75% of it away. I did keep a few things, mostly research based or that seemed interesting. And as I get farther away from this moment I'm sure that it will get easier and easier to toss things in the garbage.

But really, why do I bother keeping it in the first place? Sometimes I just feel some overwhelmed by the amount of STUFF that I own. How much of it do I actually use? Maybe I should set a goal this year to par it down a bit? I don't know. It's hard. I attach memories to random objects - birthday cards, notes passed in the halls of highschool, trinkets from holidays past.

I'm working on at least prioritizing this kind of stuff -- keeping only something that REALLY has value or will actually be useful in the future. Any suggestions?