Holy shit, I'm almost done with college

That's the realization that flashes into my head about 3 times daily.

I'm currently on my third and final co-op at MFS Investment Management working in the marketing department. There are some things I love and some things I hate, but we'll get into those next time.

Here's what's going on in my life lately:

• Co-op 35 hours a week at MFS
• Working at Banana Republic (BR) about 4-10 hours/week
• Doing market research, marketing, anything else for Empower.Embody.Embrace (E3) - a personal coaching company my mom's best friend just started (big launch on Saturday!)
• President of Northeastern Unversity Campus Girl Scouts and Brownie leader for Troop 9744
• Editing the new PTP book!!

Girl Scouts will be wrapping for the year in about a week, but there will still be little projects over the summer to get ready for the fall transition. At the end of June, I will be done co-op and entering my last block of classes.

July/August

• The Entrepreneurial World - should be interesting to get a little background on entrepreneurship as I've always toyed with the idea of starting/running my own company
• American Society - fulfills my Soc minor

September - December

• Journalism Ethics - Journalism capstone!! (not really looking forward to the 30 page paper)
• Design & Graphics - so exciting, a class focused on playing with Adobe programs
• Elementary Spanish - with fluency in French, I figure it can't hurt
• Human Rights in the Global Economy - taught by one of my favorite professors, should be enlighting, challenging, and engaging
• E3 Internship - to get my one last credit - I wish I had known before now you could get credit for internships at NU!

And that will be all she wrote for Northeastern and me. It was a good ride for sure, let's hope the last few hills and loops are exciting and fun.

I'm baaaaack!

It's been awhile. Life was, and continues to be, crazy. But as I'm rapidly approaching my last semesters at Northeastern and I need to start making some BIG LIFE DECISIONS (BLDs), I thought it would be worthwhile to revive my blog. I figure I can benefit from the feedback of complete strangers who have no bias in my decisions (unlike my mother and best friends) and, possibly, others can benefit from my decision process.

So here's to regular updates and BLDs. Cheers.

The Attraction Paradox & Other Burning Questions

If you really want to convince someone that they want something, tell them that they can't have it. You probably wouldn't even really need to literally tell them, as long as you made them think that for some reason the object was forbidden.

Why? Why are we most attracted to people we cannot have? Or is it less of us being attracted to what we can't have than the essential struggle between the self and the other. I want that. You say no. I want to win, so I want it. But how often do we really win? How often do we buck society and say, "No, you know what: I want this; I deserve this; this is going to be mine."

What are we so afraid of? Insulting others? Being excluded from the group that is denying the object to us? Are relationships with others more important than the relationship you have with yourself?

---

[Jan. 15, 2007]
When people move on are you supposed to just accept that? When you see pictures of people is it okay to wish to talk to them one more time, to hang out one more time, with them the way that they were? Is that okay to want sometimes, even if it's the easy way out.

Is it okay to not miss someone? Is it okay to not miss someone the way they are now, to not think about them everyday? Is it okay to be okay without them?

You wake up in the morning and it feels like a dream. When does it become real. When does it stop being a vacation and become your life? Do you have to let go for that happen? Can you hold on and move on? Or do they each require an amount of betrayal -- to reality, to memories, to dreams.

---

[Feb. 13, 2006]
How come I can never make up my mind? How come I'm never satisfied? How come I always want what's just beyond my reach? Or the one thing I'm not doing? Why is it that everything on the outside, gets in my head and makes me doubt things? Does everyone, at a certain point, ask all these same questions and wonder about the answers?

Why are there saws in the computer lab??!?

Notes for later:

• Why would you make a wesbite COMPLICATED for job applicants who are looking for sales, manual labor, or other non-technical jobs?? THAT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

• Getting skinny can be annoying when you're broke.

I need my planner like a druggie needs crack

In Baltimore I only had to balance two personalities: me at work and me after-work. It was simple, work me was regulated to the hours between 8 am and 5 pm, Monday through Friday. The rest of my time was for after-work me to do with as I so pleased.

Being back in Boston makes that infinitely more difficult. The lines become blurred, the categorizations overlap, the time is spread out into unpredictable chucks. I swear sometimes I would wander the streets aimlessly and accomplish nothing if it weren't for my bright orange day planner.

I schedule everything on my planner(s). (Yes, that's right I have a week-by-week and two monthlies.) In it get recorded all events, due dates, meetings, parties, TV shows, homework assignments, people to call, errands, and vital information I need to get through my days efficiently and successfully.

I would scan a page in but I'm almost embarassed by the use of coordinating highlighters, scratches, and "note to self" messages in boxes with exclamation marks. It's like a peek inside this crazy little mind I have; no one should have to be subjected to that kind of torture.

Sometimes I think that even though I have it, I might just explode from the overwhelming pressures of being a student and daughter and Girl Scout leader and friend and (hopefully soon) employee. Anyone else addicted to their planner?

Academic Frustrations

Sometimes I feel completely and utterly frustrated by academic rhetoric. Thusly, and so on, meaning that the social interactions between the teacher, preaching from their pulpit, entitled to do so by their success at having survived more years than I care to in the game of school, are outlined and reinforced by normative behavior such that it relates to adaptation to situational environments (ie classrooms) and social pressures.

I hate philosophical, circular, bully-pulpit teaching. I just want to stand up and scream - WE GET THE DAMN POINT! SO WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Perhaps it's a byproduct of my humanities major and minor (Journalism and Sociology, respectively). I also find it's related to a older generation of teachers, for whatever that's worth. Maybe I'm impatient, I'm sorry. I like to learn about new things, but not at the expense of the applicability to the real world beyond the four walls of a classroom.

What do we go to school for the first quarter of our life for anyways?

Cause I walk with a wiggle, and a giggle, and a sqwak

"I'm getting fatter."

"Turtle Love"

I don't remember quite how I stumbled upon exploding dog, but it never ceases to make me giggle. The author takes phrases emailed to him and creates illustrations based on that. Some make sense, some are completely different than how you expect they will be. You should check it out if you need a giggle too.

It's sunny, warm, & breezy. Plus, I finished my reading!

In inevitable rush sometimes as Americans, we tend to miss out on the little moments that make up life. In a week, a month, a semester, a year, or more, what will be the things that you rememember? Will it be stressing out about your reading assignment not being done or will it be the time you and your friend had a "picnic" under the shade of a tree on a lazy, Indian-summer afternoon drinking wine and people watching?

So I invite you to visit the Happy List. It's a project we're contributing to that helps us focus on finding the good moments in life and serves as a reminder when things get a little hectic sometimes.

Bouncin' Souls

There's something really special about live music. I love listening to music in my car, in my room, even in the shower, but there's something about the energy that happens when you aren't the only one who's getting into it. I went to a show last night by Delhill and Eclectic Collective at the Paradise Rock Club. Delhill was the third band in the line-up and I had seen them earlier. Their stage presence is really fun and you can tell their lead singer Andy loves playing the crowd. EC was explosive. The energy from the stage was contagious as even the sax play jumped around. You couldn't help but get into their music, to move your hips, nod your head, jump around. I didn't even know any of the words but I felt like I was inside the rhythm of each song. I'm making it my goal to go to see live music more often this semester. I can't wait to see Stephen Kellogg again at Paradise and to see Brian Bergeron open for them.

The most beautiful baby in the world

My brand new "niece" born 9/17/07.

Making the personal political

We had a discussion today about body politics and using personal experiences to influence laws and policy. However, when Tonn asked what issues were relevant to us and our identities everyone in the class seemed to suddenly go mute. Somehow we were unable to translate identity politics from theory into practice. So he made us break up into pairs and write down who we were. After each person read their list aloud, the conversation flowed freely. Some people who never talk in class even offered opinions and insight.

In that spirit, here are the things that make me who I am:

woman
young
white
blonde
college student
middle class
single
straight (mostly)
French-Canadian
oldest sister, daughter, cousin, granddaughter, niece
Girl Scout leader
volunteer
size Large
"country girl"
liberal
sexual
writer
blood donor
Journalism & Sociology student
New Englander

Those are all that I could think of in class. This list may grow or shrink over time.

So, I ask you: Who are you?

Published!

My first interview for PTP is now up online.

Multiplicity

Everyone is getting married. Everyone is having babies. Everyone has that one someone they can turn to when they really need someone. What am I doing? Who do I have?

I'm not upset about. I don't need sympathy or pity. I just feel like more often than not lately I'm on the outside of conversations, the outside of the circle. And it's no one's fault in particular, it's just that no one is quite on the same path as I am right now. I'm trying to be healthier; I'm single; I'm in classes; I'm a Girl Scout leader; I'm a compulsive writer; I'm an oldest sister and daughter and cousin-aunt; I'm a sexual being; I'm trying to decide how I feel about god.

Who are you?

Back in the Groove

Well after a few weeks hiatus, I am back to a regular schedule and real life. I thought those two weeks would last longer but all-in-all they seemed to fly by pretty fast. I'm back living in the city again, back in classes, and back to Girl Scouts. So that means you can expect a lot of wonderful updates!

We moved in almost a week ago. It was emotionally stressful. The girl who lived here before was still here, my landlord flipped out and yelled at me, there was some crying and yelling and negotiating. But in the end, it all came out okay. We've been working on getting settled here. We got the kitchen table today and I hung all my pictures up on the wall. It's starting to feel like home. It's always interesting when you move somewhere new to see how you develop new routines and new places to put your stuff. I think it's going to be a good year.

Classes also seem pretty interesting. I didn't realized at first how connected they all were. I'm taking Law of the Press; Law, Policy & Society; Social Theory; and Gender & Sexuality. More detailed updates about classes to come later.

I get to meet the PTP guys today. I am SO excited! And I finally sent in my write-up from the interview with Barbara Rusell. (I'll be sure to link to it once it's up.)

I've also recommitted to Weight Watchers again after being quite neglectful this summer.

The Post Secret Project

Sometimes I wonder what secrets I'm keeping from myself.

Does brand recognition build legitimacy?

There was a comment on Employee Evolution about taking a job simply because of brand recognition of the company. I replied:

Do you think the search for colleges with big names and titles (ie instant recoginition) that we went through somehow parlayed into the initial job search? How many friends do you know that picked a school because it was A GREAT SCHOOL only to drop out, transfer, and end up much happier? I also wonder if part of the search for a GREAT SCHOOL with a big name somehows helps us legitimize ourselves when we’re working with older people. I had never thought of this before moving to Baltimore where my school (Northeastern) isn’t known at all (Oh, so you go to Northwestern in Chicago??) compared to here in Boston (WOW! they have an awesome co-op program). What do you think?

The Little European Green Eyed Monster in my Heart

I was at dinner last night with three of my best girl friends, drinking sake and shooting the shit about life. A predominent theme in the conversation was two of the girls' recent trip to Geneva and Brussels. The third friend is leaving for Brussels in a few weeks to study abroad. One of the first two is also leaving in a month to study abroad in London.

I realized while they were talking that I was extremely jealous of their recent escapades. I have loved being home for the last month beyond words. I've spent 3 of the last 4 weekends with my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and more cousins. But, I couldn't help but feel left out of the "OMG, EUROPE IS THE BEST PLACE EVER" conversations. The little green eyed monster reared its ugly head.

So, I went to the info session for study abroad. After contemplating it for about 10 years, and almost deciding not to do it last year, I am going to France (Paris or Grenoble) in the Fall of 2008. Expect lots of entries to come over the next year about the superfun process of applying for visas and such (thankfully, I already have my passport).

I also informed my parents at dinner two nights ago that I WILL be flying to London while Marisa is there in the fall. They gave me the most incredulous, "but where are you going to get the money from?" look. Some things are just more important than money (& thank you Sallie Mae!).

Sometimes a little jealousy is all you need to kick yourself into high gear.

Books-on-Tape Recommendations??

Monday through Thursday I spend approximately three hours each day in my car commuting to Boston from New Hampshire. My CD collection is limited, I have yet to cave in and purchase an iPod, and the radio has the same 6-song "hits" list on cycle (and I listen to all kinds of different stations). In light of this, I've decided to spend my time in the car pro-actively and start listening to some books on tape.

Does anyone have any suggestions for a book that lends itself well to traffic?

Nomads

Is it possible to forget so completely how busy your life is? I have not stopped since arriving back in Boston/NH. It is fantastic and exhausting. I've been couch crashing and spending a lot of quality time in my car. I'm also carrying around about 25 lbs. of luggage everyday -- althought as a bonus I guess that means I'm burning extra calories!

So far classes are going well. I'm glad I made the decision to take TV Newswriting with Schroeder this summer. He's such an excellent teacher. Plus, he provides some of the best off-the-cuff quotes during class. Islam is interesting in that it is paced completely different from TV News. It's a straight-up lecture for an hour and forty minutes. Granted, we cna ask questions if we want too, but mostly we just scribble notes and attempt to absorb everything El Shihibi throws at us. He's a soft-spoken man who just has so much knowledge to impart that it all tumbles out too fast for us to grasp sometimes.

I had my first bartending class last night. Within ten minutes of being there the six of us were shooting the shit and cracking jokes. The instructor, Tom, was a classic old-school Boston guy. Got to love local flavor. Apparently I'm a natural and pretty decent at it for just trying it out last night, which was really cool. Can't wait to see where the rest of the week goes and where I end up working.

There are so many people coming to visit in the next few weeks! There's some kind of party every Saturday for the next month. First, Solstice on Saturday (a little late this year), Josh & Angies Reception, Mookfest, and finally Michele is coming into Boston with her two kids. Going to see John Mayer next week with Nicolle for her birthday.

Alright, it's time for some lunch and trying to keep my brain from exploding. I will be in and out for the next month or so -- please bear with me.

Disconnected Life

I've been a little nomad since I've been home. Driving between home and school, sleeping on couches and trying to find my bed beneath all of the stuff I brought home. The last few days at the lake have been peaceful. And now my siblings are here and the craziness is en route. I'm sitting in the College Cafe at 420 Main St. in New London because they have free wireless. I'm escaping some of the insanity that is my family for a few minutes and relishing being alone. I definitely have not fully adjusted to living at warp speed again. But being unplugged at the lake is good. Going to do a little sailing, a little sunning, and a lot of sleeping.