The Post Secret Project

Sometimes I wonder what secrets I'm keeping from myself.

Does brand recognition build legitimacy?

There was a comment on Employee Evolution about taking a job simply because of brand recognition of the company. I replied:

Do you think the search for colleges with big names and titles (ie instant recoginition) that we went through somehow parlayed into the initial job search? How many friends do you know that picked a school because it was A GREAT SCHOOL only to drop out, transfer, and end up much happier? I also wonder if part of the search for a GREAT SCHOOL with a big name somehows helps us legitimize ourselves when we’re working with older people. I had never thought of this before moving to Baltimore where my school (Northeastern) isn’t known at all (Oh, so you go to Northwestern in Chicago??) compared to here in Boston (WOW! they have an awesome co-op program). What do you think?

The Little European Green Eyed Monster in my Heart

I was at dinner last night with three of my best girl friends, drinking sake and shooting the shit about life. A predominent theme in the conversation was two of the girls' recent trip to Geneva and Brussels. The third friend is leaving for Brussels in a few weeks to study abroad. One of the first two is also leaving in a month to study abroad in London.

I realized while they were talking that I was extremely jealous of their recent escapades. I have loved being home for the last month beyond words. I've spent 3 of the last 4 weekends with my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and more cousins. But, I couldn't help but feel left out of the "OMG, EUROPE IS THE BEST PLACE EVER" conversations. The little green eyed monster reared its ugly head.

So, I went to the info session for study abroad. After contemplating it for about 10 years, and almost deciding not to do it last year, I am going to France (Paris or Grenoble) in the Fall of 2008. Expect lots of entries to come over the next year about the superfun process of applying for visas and such (thankfully, I already have my passport).

I also informed my parents at dinner two nights ago that I WILL be flying to London while Marisa is there in the fall. They gave me the most incredulous, "but where are you going to get the money from?" look. Some things are just more important than money (& thank you Sallie Mae!).

Sometimes a little jealousy is all you need to kick yourself into high gear.

Books-on-Tape Recommendations??

Monday through Thursday I spend approximately three hours each day in my car commuting to Boston from New Hampshire. My CD collection is limited, I have yet to cave in and purchase an iPod, and the radio has the same 6-song "hits" list on cycle (and I listen to all kinds of different stations). In light of this, I've decided to spend my time in the car pro-actively and start listening to some books on tape.

Does anyone have any suggestions for a book that lends itself well to traffic?

Nomads

Is it possible to forget so completely how busy your life is? I have not stopped since arriving back in Boston/NH. It is fantastic and exhausting. I've been couch crashing and spending a lot of quality time in my car. I'm also carrying around about 25 lbs. of luggage everyday -- althought as a bonus I guess that means I'm burning extra calories!

So far classes are going well. I'm glad I made the decision to take TV Newswriting with Schroeder this summer. He's such an excellent teacher. Plus, he provides some of the best off-the-cuff quotes during class. Islam is interesting in that it is paced completely different from TV News. It's a straight-up lecture for an hour and forty minutes. Granted, we cna ask questions if we want too, but mostly we just scribble notes and attempt to absorb everything El Shihibi throws at us. He's a soft-spoken man who just has so much knowledge to impart that it all tumbles out too fast for us to grasp sometimes.

I had my first bartending class last night. Within ten minutes of being there the six of us were shooting the shit and cracking jokes. The instructor, Tom, was a classic old-school Boston guy. Got to love local flavor. Apparently I'm a natural and pretty decent at it for just trying it out last night, which was really cool. Can't wait to see where the rest of the week goes and where I end up working.

There are so many people coming to visit in the next few weeks! There's some kind of party every Saturday for the next month. First, Solstice on Saturday (a little late this year), Josh & Angies Reception, Mookfest, and finally Michele is coming into Boston with her two kids. Going to see John Mayer next week with Nicolle for her birthday.

Alright, it's time for some lunch and trying to keep my brain from exploding. I will be in and out for the next month or so -- please bear with me.

Disconnected Life

I've been a little nomad since I've been home. Driving between home and school, sleeping on couches and trying to find my bed beneath all of the stuff I brought home. The last few days at the lake have been peaceful. And now my siblings are here and the craziness is en route. I'm sitting in the College Cafe at 420 Main St. in New London because they have free wireless. I'm escaping some of the insanity that is my family for a few minutes and relishing being alone. I definitely have not fully adjusted to living at warp speed again. But being unplugged at the lake is good. Going to do a little sailing, a little sunning, and a lot of sleeping.

Would you? Could you?

Drinking from bottled water as the kids ran barefoot through green, slimy water, wearing my fairly new, good quality clothing as they wore hand-me-downs that don't fit them quite right... dabbing the sweat off my face as kids with hundreds of bumps from skin disease run around as if nothing is wrong... Their eyes were just so sad. The camera made them smile, for some it even made them smile brightly, like those other smiles that I saw. But even then, there was something missing... And most of the eyes showed suffering. Just looking into them... I wished I could switch lives with them, give them everything I have.. and then felt worse because I didn't want to live there either. If I were given the choice to switch places with one of these children.. to give them a chance to live in the comfortable life full of opportunities that i've lived in... would I do it? What if I could trade 2 of them for 1 of me.. what about 3. I'd like to think that I would, but would I? Could I? And if I can't.. what does that say about me? Would you be able to do it? Some say because I'll be a doctor, its better that I stay healthy and that I get a good education... because I will be able to help more people that way. But what if one of those children that I could have switched lives with were going to discover the cure to cancer... or find the solution to world peace? Would I switch then? Would you? I would like to think I would... but would I - could I actually do it?

Read the rest of CSK's post & blog as she travels the world.

What if we're where we are, who we are because WE are the ones meant to cure cancer, solve world peace, or simply inspire? Is that narcisstic? Do we say we would switch lives because it's what we feel we should do - be altruistic?

There are so many more questions than answers.

Collar bones, smart asses & the bureaucratic process

Small but significant non-scale related skinny moments:

• My favorite pair of black work pants is now akin to wide-leg trousers. (Thanks to Kate Moss for making them “in” yet again.)
• I have collarbones! I can see them! And they are cute!
• When I suck in my tummy, it actually goes inward instead of simply going flat.
• Rings that used to fit only on my pinky now sit comfortably on my ring finger.

I’m trying really, really hard to learn to bite my tongue. Participating in larger blog communities invites a lot of praise AND criticism. I’m well aware that everyone who reads something I post won’t agree with me, and that is completely fine. However, I’d appreciate that if you do leave a negative comment you say something constructive instead of simply referring to me (and all of my peers) as smart asses.

The sheer amount of detail-oriented things that need to be thought about on a day-to-day as an adult continues to blow me away. To update my car’s registration and get my own insurance required carefully coordinated power-of-attorney forms, which then allowed the title to be changed to my name. And the car was registered in my name, so that I could get my own insurance. This process also apparently required getting new license plates, which meant that I couldn’t apply for my school parking permits until I got the new plate number. And at some point within the next 10 days it needs to be inspected, back in the state it’s registered. Holy shit, what a process! I don’t whether to scream at the sheer bureaucracy of it or call my daddy and cry for him to take care of it like he’s always done. Probably neither, I suppose.

And I leave you with this:

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. (Gilda Radner)

For a smile they can share the night

This afternoon we had an all-you-can-eat sushi, drinks & karaoke extravaganza for SB. I mustered up the courage to ask him what his plans after leaving were. Then I asked him if he could do anything, what would he do? He told me a whole story about "This Is Your Brain on Music" and how he wants to do something with music, but he's not sure what. He's such an incredibly personable man. Engaging, awe inspiring, and still down to earth. I really want to read that book now. I'm glad I got a chance to just chat with him one on one. If I'm ever in Chicago I will look him up.

I also sang "Don't Stop Believin'" all by myself... sober. In front of my co-workers (the entire department -- creative, proofing, and account services), my bosses, and apparently the chairman of my company. I know I cannot sing. I usually reserve the pleasure of my singing voice for my closest friends and strangers driving by in the car. But KP told me to do it, SC can't sing and she went all out, and then the last straw was KS giving me the song book to pick out songs. MT helped me pick a song. I can't believe I sang it. And I made everyone get into it. People were so supportive. It really doesn't matter how bad you are. They were impressed I had the guts to do it. MT gave me props.

I feel incredible. "You gotta go out with a bang, hon."

The New Recruiting Psychographic Persona

This was a piece I put together as part of a presentation to my company's HR department as background for redesigning their recruiting materials. Although some of it seems pretty obvious to a twentysomething, some of the people that it was presented to were absolutely amazed.

“I” statements that reflect what recent graduates are looking for:

• The most important things to me are my coworkers and the company’s culture. I want to work with people who are enthusiastic, stimulating, friendly, competent, and fun. I like to be able to form friendships with my coworkers and also want to have a good relationship with my boss. I think coworkers and management should be approachable, especially if I need help.
  
• A competitive salary is also important to me. With college loans looming, I’m very concerned about money. As it becomes the norm to have an undergrad degree I would like to maintain a competitive edge by pursuing a graduate degree. I am very interested in finding an employer who will help finance my MBA.
  
• I would like to be appreciated for my accomplishments. It’s important for me to receive actionable and detailed feedback, so that I can improve and exceed your expectations.
  
• I am aggressive and constantly seeking to improve myself. I want to be challenged. I am looking for a job that allows me to participate fully in the projects I am working on. I am comfortable working on teams, in a supportive or leadership role.
  
• I want the work I do to mean something. I would like to work with a product that correlates with my ideals and may be important to society.

Read the full article at Employee Evolution.

Restless

I feel restless. I'm ready to book a trip somewhere. I'm ready to travel. Now the questions -- where to? And when?

A weekend of tourism

[Friday]
Seeing as how this was our last Friday with no big plans and that we both had A DAY (you know, when you're just so fried/out of it/don't care/stressed), Dana and I decided a roommate happy hour was in order. So good to just kick back. I also gave up on counting points for the weekend, and just let myself enjoy eating or drinking anything that I wanted. I had beer, salad, shrimp, salmon, cocktails, buttery roll things, and a white russian. After dinner we laid around the apartment for a little bit, and then both ended up going to the gym for about 45 minutes. It was empty - surprise! But we both felt so much better after making ourselves go. It's nice to have someone around to motivate and inspire you. I can guarantee I would not have gone if Dana had not put on her sneakers and marched out the door. We also saw Knocked Up, which I highly recommend. We were laughing so hard the entire time, plus the back story was pretty cute.



[Saturday]
Saturday we headed out for DC in the late morning. Dana had yet to do the grand tour of the monuments. We walked from the Washington Monument, around the WWII, and up to Lincoln. We were talking about how much more we appreciate monuments and things like that now that we're older. We also went over to the Vietnam Memorial. There were pictures with names, rank, where they died, and how old they were. I almost lost it right there -- out of a row of six pictures, only one of the boys was over 21. But what really hit me was a fellow soldier's letter to his friend AJ, who has offered to cover another soldiers post and died in the line of duty. It makes me wonder what kind of memorial, what kind of atmosphere will surround Iraq when our kids look back on it? After the Vietnam Memorial, we visited the Korean War Memorial, which is home to one of my favorite quotes, "Freedom is not free."



I finally got a chance to visit the FDR Monument during the day. What a well designed space. And the abundance of quotes was amazing. Plus I'm pretty much in love with any kind of sculpture that involves water. From FDR we walked down the edge of the tidal basin to the Jefferson Memorial. I never realized you can see the White House from the Jefferson steps! Apparently FDR wanted to be able to wake up each morning and see Jefferson, which is why there are no cherry trees planted there. After Jefferson we made our way to the White House in the stiflingly hot afternoon sun.

With our day of tourism near its end, and our feet crying for a reprive, we headed to Historic Georgetown. It took us a little while to find the area from the Metro stop, but we finally did. It's basically like Newbury Street, with a little extra European flair. When we couldn't stand window shopping anymore, we stumbled across the cutest italian restaurant on the corner of M and 31st Streets (NW). Dana busted out her wine ordering skills, and showed me how to properly swirl and taste the wine. The waiter never rushed us and we enjoyed the view from our corner table on the second floor balcony. The food was perfect. All of the fish was cooked immaculately -- nothing was dry or undercooked. It was one of the absolute best meals I've had in a long time.



[Sunday]
Sunday morning we were at the pool by 9:45 am, which is technically before it even opens. It was so nice because there really weren't any kids there. Just laid around in the sun, read my book, and took a nap. We splashed around to get some relief from the heat, but we had to stand in the shallow end so Dana didn't have to tread water.

Sunday afternoon we donned cute outfits and headed to Annapolis. After a bit of an ordeal trying to find a parking spot, we wandered up and down Main Street. Bought some jewelry at one of the shops with a very dymanic (and slightly pushy) jewelry maker/sales lady named Amiee. So many people down there speak French. I was really shocked! We ended up on the docks about 5 minutes before a tour of the harbor and Naval Academy was supposed to leave, so we hopped on. The narrated tape was kind of cheesy, but it was still fun. And it was probably the best way to see the USNA without trekking all around it. Afterwards we had drinks and dinner at one of the restaurants on the docks. We people watched and chatted about how we're pretty much always going to have to live near some body of water. (Coincidentally or not we're both water signs.)

And to top the weekend off, I finally got a REAL ice cream cone (none of this frozen yogurt junk) from a local ice cream stand. We sat next to some Navy boys in their dress whites and just relished in the summer-ness of it all.

Being a tourist can be so much fun. It just keeps reminding me that I need to do it more often in the places that I'm from. And now it is Monday, with only 10 days left in Baltimore.

Some of what I've been saying lately...

In response to an email from Ryan Healy of Employee Evolution regarding a podcast tonight for the WSJ with Ramit Sethi:

As far as opinions on the podcast goes -- I wonder if maybe the reason we're so ready, willing, and able to embrace our impatience is because we were told from a very young age, "You can do whatever you want. You can be whatever you want." I also know that my parents have also tended to talk to me as an adult, and an equal, engaging in discussions that ran the gamut of politics, careers, social issues, and the like. Also, at this point in our lives very few of us have responsibilities that ground us to certain locations or positions. This is the ideal time to explore, travel, and embrace any opportunity. I'm a firm believer that you never know where the path may take you - it's so filled with twists and turns - and that you will regret more those things which you did not do more than those stupid things you may have tried and failed at.

I think it's also easier for people our age to express our opinions without being censored by a heirarchical media structure thanks to the prevalance of blogging and sites like Facebook. This helps us engage each other and mobilize. We're not staging protests like Kent State in the 70s, but we're connecting, discussing, and mobilizing online -- with a much wider network. It's easier to express your opinions, to quit a job and pursue something you really want to do, or push back against the ideals of your parents/grandparents if you know that you're not alone.

Comment thread to the lastest Twentysomething post on Brazen Careerist, "The Paradox of Choice, Gen-Y Style":

Interesting how most of the comments to this post focus not on the general topic, but on specifics that Ryan mentions - moving home, joining the Peace Corps, etc. Isn’t the whole point of this discussion to talk about how there are CHOICES, which basically comes to meaning that what may be right for you may not be right for me, and vice versa. It also means that what may be right for me this year, may be the complete opposite of what will be right for me next year. I was a straight-A (almost) student in HS, I have a 3.9 GPA in college, and I’m on a pretty good track toward finding out what kind of job I want to have when I graduate. Other the other hand, my brother couldn’t care less about school (he gets mostly Bs & Cs), but he could take my car apart and rebuild it into something else without any kind of instructions. I think it’s important to remember that we each bring our own bias and personal experiences to this ongoing discussion. And that’s what it should be - a discussion - not an argument, not a “I’m right and you’re wrong” battle.

And please don’t even start with the fact that you’re 30 and somehow that means you’re past your peak. Are you kidding me? My mom is 45 and she’s looking to shift jobs because she’s found that after 9 years hers is not longer challenging or satisfying anyone. She also pursues several active hobbies on the side, including gardening and hiking. The fact that somehow by you being 30 you’ve ‘missed the boat’ is the biggest cop-out. You don’t have to quit your job and join the peace corps, especially if you’re settled. But no one is stopping you from pursuing hobbies on the side of your regular job. And how knows, maybe you’ll end up changing careers somewhere
down the line.

Comment on the same post on the Employee Evolution site:

I think change can be really hard for some people. And maybe some of them feel insulted that we're pushing back and saying, no I'm sorry, that's not what I want. Like it somehow devalues what they've worked so hard to attain. It will be interesting, however, to see what happens as all those hardworking boomers start hitting their retirement years. I think they're going to cause as much of a shift in that area as we're going to cause coming into the workforce.

Lunch conversations make you want to leave work

We got into two really involved discussions today during our lunch break. One was about the Sopranos series finale (never watched the show, but I think the ending was awesome as far as concepts go) and adventurous things to do. Which made me think I should actually write down the things I keep saying that I want to do.

That scare the daylights out of me, but I really want to do anyways:

• Skydive (Pepperell, MA - SkyJump)
• Bungee jump / base jump
• Glass walkway over the Grand Canyon (to open spring 2008)
• White water raft the Colorado River (and also the Dead River & Kennebec (again) (in ME) -- one of the best ways to spend a summer day in Maine)

I was also thinking about places I need to visit state-side:

• Arizona (Kyle, Grand Canyon, dessert)
• San Diego (Laura/Blake)
• Portland
• Austin/Houston (Danny)
• New Orleans
• Atlanta (Michele & Mary)

A weekend of unplanned adventures & inspiration

Today I woke up at 9 am with no roommates and no plans. Sometimes I hate being alone, I'm just in the mood to be with people. But today was a good alone day. Had breakfast and came up with a game plan for the day, talked to Kightlinger way over in NZ, and headed out the door at 10:30 am. I really love driving down the road, blaring the radio, singing at the top of my lungs. I mean, really, is there anything that compares to that?

Some guy was driving like a complete asshole getting onto the 795. Karma came around to bite him in the butt when along came Mr. State Trooper.

My first stop of the day was the American Visionary Art Museum down in Fed Hill. Some of the exhibits were interesting, some were ridiculously hilarious, some made me think, and some really made me think. I've never just done a museum by myself before (other than the MFA, but that doesn't count). It was interesting to get lost in my own thoughts about a piece or installation without comparing them with someone else's. It was nice to be able to stare at a pencil drawing, finding humorous vignettes only upon close inspection, that I might have otherwise passed by because someone I was with was ready to move on to the next gallery. My favorite part of AVAM was the expansion warehouse. (I would love to live in converted warehouse space one day, so cool!) I've discovered I really like provocative pieces that are designed to catch you off-guard. And I especially enjoy environmental pieces, as opposed to paintings or drawings.

This quote was mounted on one of the walls:

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Teresa (Adapted from The Paradoxical Commandments by Kent Keith (1968))

I really think there's a lot to take away from that. Forgiveness, inspiration, drive, passion, ambition. And remembering that what you do should be for no one other than yourself (and your god).

I finally made it over to Blu Bambu in Inner Harbor, an Asian kitchen Blake has been bugging me to visit since she found out I was moving down here. I was surprised, I thought it was going to be take-out typical Chinese food. But they had this really cool Mongolian stir-fry bar. Nice and healthy with lots of flavor and not that expensive. Then I stopped by the Hard Rock Cafe to get a pin for John.

Next it was over to the Mount Vernon neighborhood to visit the Contemporary Art Museum. They're currently displaying an entire collection by Joseph Grigley. He became completely deaf at the age of 10. His pieces "explore the idiosyncrasies of language and the dynamics of everyday communication." Totally unexpected and definitely got me thinking about something I wholly take for granted. The coolest installation was called "We're Drunken Bantering about What's Important in Life" (2007). It's a collection of notes - snippets of conversations people had with Grigley - posted to a wall. "With these works, Grigely asks the question: “We presumably know what a conversation sounds like—but what does a conversation look like?”"

The rest of the day was filled with the delightful routine chores of a sunday -- produce market, grocery store, nap, and gym. I also watched a documentary called F**k (at least, that's how it's listed on Netflix). It explores the nature of the word fuck, where it comes from, how we use it, why it's such a big deal, and the pervasive use of the word in American society. I might also watch another movie -- we'll see.

Yesterday was the Race for the Cure 5K at work bright and early am. We were going to do the last 1 mile Fun Walk, but at the last minute I convinced my roommate to do the full 5K with me. So we grabbed numbers, ran about half of the course overall, and I finished my very first 5K with a time of 38:25. I didn't get a plaque, I think we may have even been the last people doing the full 5K to finish -- but we did finish. And it was fun. I will definitely do more charity walks/runs in the future.

I spent most of yesterday doing a whole lot of nothing by the pool. Then went to an O's game with Kristen because she had free tickets. Nothing eventful, but fun to hang out with someone new!

Overall, it was a really nice weekend. I can't believe this chapter of my life is coming to a close so soon already. I'm finally feeling settled here. I almost forget what it's like to just hang out with everyone... I haven't been to Boston since February and haven't been home since Easter. Who knows -- more adventures ahead!

What happens when you try to not think

Went for a 4.5 mile hike/trail run after work and errands today. No headphones, no phone calls, no one else with me. I love hikes like that. Start out thinking about things and then your mind wanders, comes across something interesting, and you start thinking about how you're thinking. Start the process over again and again. I did two separate loops at Soldiers' Delight NEA. I saw one cute little bunny and FIVE beautiful white tail deer. It was a really good head-clearing hike. I didn't try to tackle any particular problems -- just thought about some upcoming goals and what life's going to be like when I get back home.

I'm currently about 1/3 of the way through Brazen Careerist. Definitely some interesting take aways. I like the quick-hit feel of it. Especially after the rambling discoveries in Tipping Point. Thinking about it -- I've never had to interview at more than one place before getting a co-op job. I've never had an interview that didn't result in a job offer. Does that mean I tell good stories? That I'm personable? I guess so. I guess it's like softball -- I have to learn to stop swinging at that first pitch. Maybe my goal for my next co-op cycle should be to do at least 2 interviews before accepting an offer?

I spent about two hours this morning (while I was at work "working") writing emails for Pursue the Passion. Last night Brett wrote to ask me how I thought we could get more college kids involved. I was so incredibly flattered. I also decided that since his blog post today was about how they need more interviews that I would finally get around to asking Barbara if we could talk to her. Turns out (as I pretty much expected) she was more than willing. And now I get to do the interview (since she'll be out of town when PTP comes through Boston) and do the write up. Great clip for the portfolio. I'm sure Barbara is going to have a lot to say. I'll have to re-listen to the interview I had with her for my Education in the Community project. I also had an epiphany at some point between last night and this morning. I thought Steve Cody (aka RepMan) would be perfect to not only ask for viral marketing advice, but to interview. And turns out Steve was really enthusiastic about it! I'm so excited. I can't wait to read what he has to say. I also think I'm going to see if anyone at my current job would qualify as passionate about their positions. Oh! I just thought of the CEO of Eduventures -- that's on my list of things to do tomorrow.

I also apparently blew the socks off my big boss today. I'm working on getting custom chocolates for an annual client meeting in the fall. I finally got a pricing quote from the chocolatier this afternoon. So I forwarded the contents of the email to the BB. But I also remembered that last time I needed her to follow-up with me she told me she had printed the email out and physically put it in her TO-DO/INBOX. So I printed the email and the attached pricing and handed it to her. She was like, "WOW! You're really getting to know me." She seemed absolutely blown away. Do other people not pay attention to things like that and make modifications? Am I really doing something above and beyond here?

Tomorrow is another CX Quarterly Meeting off-site and softball game. I'm excited. It's also one of my roommate's last weekends, which I'm not so excited about. I was mad at the scale yesterday, so I ate too much and drank a few glasses of wine. Then was a bitch to one of my best friends who's leaving for Iraq in a month. But I woke up today and put it all in perspective. One of my goals while I'm losing weight is to learn to forgive myself and move on. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be -- the self-chiding followed by pity-spiral is such an easy cycle to fall into.

Goal tonight is to go to bed before 11:30.

Put it in the recycle bin

I have an irrational attachment to inanimate objects. I am a pack-rat. I have the most useless projects from junior high still sitting in a bin somewhere in my bedroom. As I approach the end of my time at this job, I realized I had a filing cabinet full of papers -- mostly old drafts of projects that have long since gone to press. No one is ever going to come back and need to see my notes on the 2nd of five rounds of copy. So I made myself throw 75% of it away. I did keep a few things, mostly research based or that seemed interesting. And as I get farther away from this moment I'm sure that it will get easier and easier to toss things in the garbage.

But really, why do I bother keeping it in the first place? Sometimes I just feel some overwhelmed by the amount of STUFF that I own. How much of it do I actually use? Maybe I should set a goal this year to par it down a bit? I don't know. It's hard. I attach memories to random objects - birthday cards, notes passed in the halls of highschool, trinkets from holidays past.

I'm working on at least prioritizing this kind of stuff -- keeping only something that REALLY has value or will actually be useful in the future. Any suggestions?

Before the beginning

I'm starting this blog to keep track of all my random thoughts and progress over the next few years. And to make it available to my (somewhat) adoring public. Ha. Anyways, I've decided that I'm sick of being afraid to look stupid. I'm sick of doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. I'm sick of waiting for things to happen.

So, I'm making changes. Small at first, and then bigger and bigger. I'm trying new things. And I'm setting goals. Here we go:

[Health]

I can't remember the last time I was skinny. Okay, actually that's a lie. It was fourth grade. My best friend Chris used to come over everyday after school because my mom babysat him. Chris, my brother, and me would play outside everyday until it was dark. And when we were playing inside, we were always wrestling or having adventures of some kind. Chris had, and still has, one of the most incredible imaginations of anyone that I have ever met. Alas, eventually my mom got a full-time job and we got to be too old to need a baby-sitter everyday. My afterschool routine changed from daily adventures in the woods or trips to "Destiny Valley" (which was actually just the edge of our property) to watching Breaker High and Sweet Valley High on TV with a bowl of goldfish and a diet coke.

I remember at first my mom told me that it was just baby fat, that it would go away. So I didn't change my habits at all. By the time I was in junior high I was a size 14. Despite several attempts at hardcore diets, all of which failed due to their extremely rigid and boring nature, and several periods of just not caring, I've come out 10 years later about the same size as I was in junior high. I've always eaten relatively healthfully, enjoying a wide variety of produce and whatnot. But tend to give in to the more tempting treats far too often -- fast foods snacks and biiiiiig family buffets.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of seeing a different person in my head than the person that I see in pictures. I joined Weight Watchers (WW) about 2.5 months ago. I've lost almost 15 lbs since then using the flex plan. I've also been away from home since January and have begun a lifestyle that includes exercise at least 5 days a week.

I've come to realize that I get bored by routines very easily. WW allows me to eat whatever foods that I want, but helps me keep portions in control by counting points. It also lets me do whatever kinds of exercise I'm in the mood for -- all counting toward earning Activity Points (APs). Since I began exercising regularly, I've gone through phases where I did the elliptical, the treadmill, walks around my neighborhood, short jogs, nature hikes, and (most recently) swimming. I think as long as I keep changing it up, I will be okay.

So, now that we have the backstory down -- I have some upcoming goals:

Scale Victories (SVs):

• July 4th -- 189 lbs. (a loss of 10% from my original weight)
• Sept 2nd -- 170 (next 10%)
• Nov 4th -- 153 (next 10%, top of my healthy BMI range, just in time to turn 22!!)
• Dec 31st -- 135 (END GOAL!! just in time to kick of 2008)

Non-Scale Victories (NSVs):

• Joined company softball team.
  The last time I played softball it was probably in gym class, and who really puts effort in then? I've always shied away from playing with my cousins (who all play on legitimate teams, one is even a nationally ranked youth pitcher) because I didn't want to look stupid. Well, I stopped caring about that and you know what? I had FUN! And I'm actually not half bad. Plus my teammates are constantly giving me support and teaching me little tricks. It's one of the best experiences I've had and has definitely been a tipping point* for me.
• Learn how to box/kick-box/legitimately defend myself.
• Hike one of the presidential mountains this fall.
• Learn to sail my sailboat at the lake house.

(* The Tipping Point. Malcom Gladwell -- check it out on my books list!)

[Travel]

Rehauling my approach to exercise and eating healthy has tranistioned into renewed enthusiasm for other areas of my life. I've always been a small-town girl (and I still consider Boston to be a small-town girl's city). However, there are so many interesting, unique and wonderful experiences to be had around the world. At this time in my life I have no serious obligations to anyone but myself. This is the time to travel.

Part of this goal was recently achieved when I moved to Baltimore for six months for my job. It's the longest and farthest I've ever been away from my family. It's the longest I've ever gone without my entire network of friends to keep me entertained and busy around the clock. I think it's been a catalyst for a lot of introspection and personal growth.

Places to go, people to meet:

• France, study abroad, Fall 2008.
• Costa Rican Adventure (EF collegebreak), Summer 2008.
• Montreal
• Greek Islands
• Arizona (visit friends), San Diego (with my cousins), Atlanta (visit family)

[Money]

I've also recently determined that I want to be in full control of my financial circumstances. I have a spending problem. I inherited it from my father. I also have a big heart and would give my money away in a heartbeat to help you out, even if it was my last dollar. I'm trying to get a handle on my financial situation and prepare myself to fund my future endeavors, instead of simply my whims at the mall. To do this I opened an ING Direct savings account, used loan money to purchase a new computer (instead of my CapOne card), and recently started my very first Roth IRA account (more on that another time).

I've also decided to take a bartending class and see if I enjoy that line of work. I think it would be really fun. And my family and friends seem to think I would be great at it. It's another one of those things that I've always sort of thought about but never had the guts to pursue. I'm also trying to grow my freelancing network to continue building my portfolio.

Making bank:

• Pay CapOne card down from $4,200 to $2,000 by May 2008.
• Own car outright for first time -- title, registration, insurance
• Pay rent on my own (first non-university housing!)

That's all of this post. More to come on thoughts about my career path later.