Lost

Somewhere in the last year I've managed to lose myself. I've always been kind of manic - going 1,000 miles a minute - from classes, to working, to volunteering (usually with Girl Scouts), and family committments. When I was in Baltimore I was forced to stop all that noise and focus on myself. The company apartment and sufficient 9-to-5 salary afforded me tons of free time. Being removed from my roots also meant that I had no one to responsible to but me. I ate healthy; I relaxed; I exercised everyday (even weekends!). I was healthy, but more importantly happy. I was content.

And now, having been back in Boston for a full year, with classes, a part time job, Girl Scouts (basically an unpaid part-time job), an internship, a boyfriend (relationships are hard work, who knew?), I have so many obligations again that I've lost myself. I've been eating crappy fast food because there's no time to sit down and I'm usually not home or too tired to cook. I haven't really been exercising because after working for 4 hours on your feet the last thing you want to do is hit the elliptical machine.

So I'm making this promise to myself to find the time - to make the time - to find myself again. I hate looking the mirror lately. I'm exhausted all the time. I feel sick and weak. I feel like shit, basically. I've been to the gym both of the last two days. I'm going to re-read Tosca's book about Eating Clean. I'm also going to try to stop drinking (or seriously minimize it) until Halloween. I want to feel fabulous on Halloween and my birthday. Something has to change, now.

I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by life. I just. Can I get on a cruise ship to the Bahamas for a month or so? Or better yet, a year?

And so it begins

The fall semester. Meetings, classes, and events galore. It's going to be balls-out crazy. And if I make it through to Christmas, I just might be okay.

I haven't been sleeping well lately at all. Tossing and turning all night long. I thought it was the stress of the move, but that's settled down now. I'm starting WW again, for real, and I'm going to start walking and doing yoga. I also wonder if its sharing a bed all the time, but I don't know. At least the humidity is gone and the fall nights are rolling in.

Speaking of my new room. It's MINE! ALL MINE!! So great. And it's purple. And I have a whole wall of windows, out of which I can see the sunset and Cambridge. And I get the full sunlight on my pillows early in the morning. I really coudn't be happier about it.

Also, do you ever have a friend that you always seem to be the one who calls or texts them first? Sometimes you start to feel like you might be bugging them because they never seem to initiate anything? Then you promise yourself that you will not contact them first. Until, finally, they get in touch with you, like no time has passed at all. Victory.