Stream of Consciousness

Monday, November 3, 2008


My parents are currently arguing over my mother's need to analyze dad's receipt from Home Depot the other day. My parents are fighting about money.

This has been a recurring theme as a grew up. In fact, as much as my parents love each other, as connected as they are, their great divide is money. I can hear them screaming right now, and I'm in the basement.

I wonder if this is why I have my own money issues. If growing up, not neccessisarily poor, but in a house where money was always a huge issue if that led me to my current relationship with money. When I have I'm afraid I won't have it again and I want to spend it. But I don't want to analyze where it goes or how much of it goes there.

Now the TV is blaring and the dishes are being banged around as they each stake their own corner of the house. I keep my finances online. That makes them less real to me - they get their own corner of my mind where I can shut the door and pretend they're not there.

I want to be financially secure. And confident. Without living beyond my means, or feeling like I'm watching every penny. How?

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